This raises a fundamental question, one you must consider for each and every negotiation: What's in it for me? After all, the only successful negotiations are win-win. All other outcomes are not acceptable.

Keeping this question continually top of mind, you're now ready to begin the negotiation process. As Ré oulines in her book, the process involves planning, implementation and follow-up.

Before you negotiate

A solid understanding of what negotiations are all about is critical for effective planning. At this stage, you must take time to identify and prioritize your own needs and goals while, at the same time, try to anticipate the needs and goals of the other party. And be prepared to investment some time doing this. Ré suggests the amount of time spent for planning should be up to nine times longer than the actual negotiations themselves.

The information you gather in this phase should then be mapped out to help you make the best business decisions before you enter into negotiations. In 101 Secrets to Negotiation Success, you'll learn how to build a Settlement Matrix that visually lays out all of your issues and range of acceptance for each issue.

Remember the "give-and-take" foundation of negotiations. That's why the Matrix is a critical negotiation tool. You must define all of the issues involved, determine which ones are must-have, and identify those can live without if necessary. By plotting the issues out in a graph, you begin to set your overall strategy for guiding the negotiation process to the best possible conclusion.

While you negotiate

"It's all in the first five minutes," Ré says. These few minutes will end up setting the tone for the entire meeting. That's why you've taken the time to plan ahead and become as familiar as possible with needs and goals of those sitting across the table.

So be very aware of how the other side is behaving and match their behavior. If they're talking slowly, then you speak slowly. If they're energetic and like jokes, be vibrant and chime in with some humor. The idea is that mirroring behavior helps you to gain the acceptance and trust from others in the negotiation process.

You can use a number of different tactics during the process, and Ré covers them in her book. Consider The Straw Man approach. Since you've noted all of the issues, you know which ones are dispensable. If you first focus strongly on a Straw Man issue and finally give in on it, the tactic can give you credibility with the other side when discussions move into your more important issues.

This tactic, however, can be used on you as well. So as Ré advises, if you think that the other side is using this tactic, probe for its importance. Ask questions, such as "What would the consequences be if you don't get what you need on this issue?" or "How does this rank in importance with all your other issues."

Closing and follow-up

Successful outcomes are those that benefit both sides. During the process, you'll try to get a little and you'll need to give a little. With planning and knowledge of helpful tactics, you're in a much better position to achieve your goals and provide value to the other party.

There may be concessions, and the best ones to make are those least-important issues. And as Ré says, "It's okay to make the first concession because it doesn't signify your defeat or the other side's victory. But it does keep the negotiation process moving forward." However, never make concessions under pressure."

As the author will tell you, "The best concessions are patience and listening."

Successful negotiations do not end with a handshake. You have to follow up in a number of ways. Summarize the agreement, get it in writing, making additional notes and taking stock of how you did in the negotiation are key action steps for the third phase.