Secrets to Negotiating Success
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Uncover the Psychological Edge Using certain words in certain circumstances is just one way you can give yourself a psychological edge in a negotiation. There are many other subtle and useful techniques you can learn that do not manipulate, but rather allow you to control the negotiation, and to keep yourself from being manipulated by others. Always keep in mind the importance of preserving the relationship. You don't want to steam-rollover the other side. You want them to feel important and successful, while at the same time protecting your position and achieving your goals. This involves having some psychological tools at hand that you can use. #72 - The Taboo Word "But"
All the words we've discussed in this section are quite powerful, and have a positive connotation for your negotiation. However, there is one small, three-letter word that is equally powerful, but in a negative way. That word is "but." Amazingly, using this word can defeat all your efforts to build a strong relationship with the other side. Let me show you why. If I say to you, "I understand what you're saying, but I just can't make it work," how does that make you feel? Like I don't really understand what you're saying, after all? That's because the word "but" completely negates anything that went before it. It is construed as argumentative, not cooperative. Here's another example. Let's say we are working together on a project and you have what you think is a great idea for presenting it to our boss. You say, "I have a great idea. How about we write everything in pink marker so that it stands out?" I reply, "That's a good idea, but pink won't show up as well as red." So what did I just say? It seems like I didn't really think it was a good idea, and I was just pandering to you. That probably makes you feel that I'm insincere and might make you resent me. At the very least, it will make you think twice before you tell me another one of your ideas. When you have a difference of opinion with somebody, what you want to do is demonstrate a cooperative attitude rather than an argumentative attitude. Suppose I had said: "I like your idea of using a color that stands out. What do you think about using red, since it's a bit darker and stands out even more than pink?" Phrasing it this way gives you credit for your idea and makes a suggestion in a positive way. Being cooperative and respectful rather than argumentative is what you want to strive for in a successful negotiation. You will find it difficult to remove the word "but" from your vocabulary, since you've probably been using it all your life to disagree. It might be helpful to write yourself a little reminder on your notepad- i.e. "NO BUT"-before you start negotiating. Then, when it comes time for you to voice a disagreement, you'll be more conscious of your word choice. |
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